Man in the Mirror 

man mirror

I’ve seen him around, he is taller, slimmer, seems to light up the room when he walks in. I’ve seen him in my old lover’s arms. I’d like to say that I am envious, but in reality, my heart is cheering them on. How can I be envious when all I’ve wanted was for him to be happy?

I won’t deny that it’s a slap that I wasn’t the one that found love after the split. I’ve put myself out there and dated. However nothing has clicked for me. Am I jaded? I take look into the mirror. Nope definitely not jaded. I see that light of hope and forever love in my eyes. I even see a twinkle in my smile. And no, I am not conceited. I am however the kid that believes in a happily ever after. The guy that hang up the moon when you need it the most. I am the man you can come home to.

If you to asked me a year and a half a go if I thought I was this man… I would have said yes, but with the biggest doubt. I know that I have so much love to give but as I have experienced, sometimes love isn’t enough. My biggest demon traps me into a corner and I am faced with believing that I am not good enough. ENOUGH! As cheesy as it sounds, I needed this last year for myself and discover who I am and discover the man I always wanted to be. To shine a light on my darkest fears and defeat them. I’ve said this once and I will say it again, before you can let anybody love you, you have to love yourself.

As I write this, I am at a bar, by myself, and see how far I have come. Never in a million years would I have imagined myself here. Not content with myself, but proud of the man that I am, ecstatic even. I am joyous at the fact that I can raise my glass at a man whom I loved so much and his new partner. Wish them the best because happiness is what he deserves. It’s what EVERYONE deserves in fact.

I think back to the day of my best friend’s wedding day. Although everybody’s love is different, he has paved the way on how love is supposed to be like. I will not settle for someone who does not meet the expectations of my heart. The heart that was shattered into a million pieces and has taken me forever to put back together. With cracks and scars I have to remember that it is still whole and I have a lot to be thankful for. A lot includes, being able to let him move on, letting myself move on without any grudges or resentment. I am able to move on and not feel guilty for being happy.

I’ve seen him around. I’ve seen him stare back at me. While I know I might not be as tall or thin, or as smart as the other guy I have seen, I know I am a beautiful soul.

Your truly,

The Geek in Chic