Dear Future Self,
I am not writing this letter to boost your ego, nor is it a letter written out of spontaneity. This letter is for you, for when times get too rough and you feel alone. You and I both know that you tend to hold a lot in, both the good and the bad. You believe that it is better to shut up than for people to think you are wrong, no matter how open minded you are. You believe it is better to be quiet than for people to think you are stupid for finding something amusing. You believe it is better than to stay silent, than to have your thoughts misunderstood. While you may think that your loved ones will love you if you continue to think and act this way, you are mistaken. If anything, you should know by now that they love you for you, regardless of who you think you are hiding.
Today I turn twenty-s… I mean 22. Even though you are dreading the age you are turning, the smile on our face radiates the room, I see my reflection in my boyfriends eyes as he whispers, “Happy Birthday”. This morning I woke up with pride, love, courage, but most importantly happiness. This is the very feelings I want you to remember. I want you to remember this date in specific because well, the future is unpredictable. The future that I see maybe isn’t the future that you are standing in. Things change in a matter of seconds, the feeling we felt today, that will never change.
The truth is, we have been through a lot, but above everything we still have managed to keep loving. Think about it, how many times have you written of love. Whether it may be from a lover, friend, or a family member. Love is something that has always kept on going, Never forget that you heart is golden and it is capable of so much.
Since the day He left, the moment that you asked Him “Why did you fall in love with me?” has been engraved in you. He looked at you straight in the eye as he was breaking your heart and told you, “Because you have had the biggest heart that I have ever known. Your ability to care for those around you is immense.” It was not our looks, our position at work.” It was our heart. I wont lie, it was the biggest slap in the face at the moment, but I have come to look back and it literally have been the greatest compliment. Regardless of the cosmetic products or surgeries, we all get old, saggy, wrinkly, and sometimes ugly. But the one this that remains is your beautiful heart. Now you have your boyfriend, who makes you smile from ear to ear, and makes you be as silly as you want without being judged. This love that you feel with him, is incomparable. His hold that makes you feel so high, doesn’t hold just your body and looks, but your soul. The person you are.
For a while, the feeling of not being able to fit in anywhere was ever lasting. Something was wrong, something was missing, but even though you never felt like you fit, you were still able to make friends that in different groups that people wouldn’t normally. Again, your willingness to accept others and make them feel loved has made YOU a great unforgettable friend to them. Your friends now at 26, they have been your most steady. As you got older you have been more appreciative of the friends you have. Oh man, the memories with this people have been breathtaking. The feeling of being loved by a group of people who have no ties but consider one another family, those are moments to live for. Those are moments to remember.
Lastly, don’t ever forget the love and support you have received from your family over the years. No matter how mad they might make you, at the end of the day, they are they people that will always be there. The unexpected hugs from your father, the conversations with your mother, the laughs with your brother, and the secrets with your sister. Family is precious, and they themselves see the great young man you have grown up to be.
I would say never change, but you have to in order to keep growing. May your heart stay humble, and true to yourself. Don’t be afraid to speak you mind, for your mind is what has gotten you this far. Remember that you should treasure the bad times as well as the good, and that there is a lesson in everything. Cherish the laughs with loved ones. And lastly don’t forget to ALWAYS love yourself. Happy Birthday Miguel, from wherever you are today.
Your Geek in Chic Self,