The Way He looks at Me

the way he looks at me.

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
Kathryn Stockett, The Help      

5:30 am, I still have half and hour before the alarm goes off. Regardless of how early it is, I feel well rested and at peace, which is weird because I have not woken up in my own home. I turn over expecting him to be asleep and there is, eyes wide open.

“Good morning beautiful.” He says with a smile. He wraps his arm around me and snuggles me closer against him. I bite down on my tongue just to make sure I’m not dreaming.

FUCK!, that hurt, and now I look like a total idiot. I should have just pinched myself instread. Wait did he just call me beautiful?!

I have never been the kind of person to think that I am ugly by any means. At the same time, I have never seen myself as sexy, gorgeous, let alone beautiful. Frankly, I’m your goofy, big hearted, approachable Average Joe. I remember though, how long it took me to even get me to think this way about myself. After “The Ex” left, the little self esteem that I had, had completely vanished. I blamed myself for everything that happened. I blamed myself for not being enough to make him look for more elsewhere. My biggest insecurity was if I wasn’t enough for a person who told me everyday that they loved me, then I couldn’t possibly be enough for anybody else.

I remember laughing when people would say, “Imma do/ focus on me.” when they were going though a break up. These people must be really dependent. It wasn’t until He left, that I realize that I had really let myself get lost and that I really did need to focus on myself. Relationships are all about working together as a team, compromising, fighting side by side. The dreams you had for yourself slowly start molding into ones that are to better you and your partner.  I had taught myself to be strong willed, independent, light hearted for two, and when I was suppose to fend for my own, I no longer knew how to function. I needed time to figure out what I needed, what I wanted, what I deserved. Above everything I needed to love myself.

2 Years, later, a lot of self doubt, a few guys who have taught me a lot, I lay in bed with this amazing man, who has turned my would upside down. This is a man who when he calls me beautiful, I honestly believe him. I no longer laugh when I am being called sexy or even beautiful because I feel like are saying complete bull$#!t. I have gotten the courage to let me love myself so He is able to. This man, looks at me and his smile is about the most memorizing thing I have ever seen, and he smiles because he is with me.

I know this is what most people call puppy love, or the honeymoon stage, but I know that the feeling that I get when he looks at me is real.

Until Next Time,                                                                                                                                                                               Your Geek In Chic


20 thoughts on “The Way He looks at Me

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  1. Allowing ourselves to be loved by another, and trusting that what they see in us is true is a powerful lesson relationships teach us. Even when we can’t see it, trust in this basic truth…and search for it yourself so that it becomes a part of you. Best wishes.

    1. Thank you. I’m learning from him a lot. It’s just strange feeling this way after so long of being single. And there is to do is to keep learning and trying to be the best man I can be for him.

      Again Thank you again for the comment and taking your time to read.

    1. LOL, the honey moon stage is going great. Every minute with him is a valued minute and I’m basically in cloud nine. I do need to post more about the relationship, but it seems like every single time I start to write about it, I end up writing stuff with butterflies, ponies, and rainbows. Gross!

      Thank you so much for taking the time and reading though.

  2. Nice post bro.
    I look forward to following your blog.
    That Arman boils my blood. I was very tempted to say that by judging us, he will not be allowed to enter the gates of heaven. But I bit my tongue lol.
    Finn xx

    1. I wish I would have had the strength to bite my tongue. Even though I wrote what I thought was a nice message to him, he had to come back all judgmental. So much for he being a good Christian. LOL.
      But thank you for the compliment. and taking the time to read my post.

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