He’s Just Lonely

What is it about us wanting what we can’t have? Is it the chase, the challenge? What’s the obsession with wanting to have the out-of-our-league-guy, wanting more money, more time? It seems like it’s always more, more, more. I have tried to figure out the answer for what seems like forever, and I still have not come up with a logical answer.

I have wanted it all, the love, passion, honesty, the perfect guy. Just when I think I’m about to reach it, it always get gets pulled away 10 inches from my finger tips. So I ask myself, How much more until I learn my lesson? How many more times do I have to go through this shit before I can finally yell, ENOUGH?!? Will giving up make me a jaded person? Lately I felt like I’m just setting myself up for failure, so it’s hard not to think those questions. I certainly don’t enjoy getting hurt, so why do I always go after the unobtainable? One of my biggest fears is being alone, so shouldn’t I be okay with settling and not wanting to see if the grass is indeed greener on the other side?

With all these question in my head, I had do vent to my best friend. Being my best friend she’s always had the ability to listen until I’ve let it all out, nod her head, and then share with me her thoughts. This time though, she whipped out her phone and said, “Listen to this song.”

I tried to look at Anna but all I could see was a blurry silhouette. She is no stranger to seeing me cry, but I did what I thought would disguise it, I started to just laugh. It was a nervous laugh, but at least it was better than seeing me cry again. The song had hit home. To my surprise she started to laugh as well.

It’s like the song to our life.” She said.

I have been trying to date this guy, and because of insecurities and personal schedules, we just let each other go. I should be upset, I should be devastated, but as the song says, I’m not a stranger to the leaving, I have heard the best good byes. I then thought to myself. Wait, but there is a difference, I haven’t been in love in a LONG time ,therefor the song can’t be my life.

“Miguel, this song reminds my of you because you don’t settle. You would rather be lonely then to be with someone that doesn’t have a special place in your heart regardless of how great they treat you, you value love. Not only do you have a big heart, but you have an honest heart.” Everything made sense,  I have been asking myself all these questions all this time, and it took a song and some words from my best friend.

So what is it with us wanting what we can’t have? Could it be that we fear being lonely. Certainly I’m not lonely with incredible friends like Anna. Society has definitely put an ideal picture of perfect, so are we striving for that? One thing is for sure, no matter how perfect a situation may be, if you’re not happy then it’s not your perfection, it’s someone else’s. Everybody’s of happiness is different, your green might be someone else’s greener.

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May I Have This Dance?

 

rain

You can only Imagine what kind of day I’ve had when I am in the largest pullover sweater I own, have a tub of cookie dough ice cream, with Jasper (my puppy) laying on my legs, watching The Notebook. I must sound like a total winner, but with work being crazy and my love life not being as peachy as I would like, this was the perfect way to end my day. Not only that, but it’s been raining all day. By the time that the movie credits start rolling, I notice that the rain isn’t the only things pouring down, I’m crying hysterically. Some would say I was just begging to cry as soon as I walked into the grocery store to pick up my ice cream, but to be honest, I don’t doubt it myself. I’ve seen this movie a dozen times, and this time it hit me somewhere new.

Forget that I have never really been a big fan of change. I understand that for us to progress as a society people need to develop new habits and adapt to them, I however will not always agree to them. This movie reminds me of what love used to feel like. The butterflies, the longing after one another, the innocence of old fashion kind of love. By the time that I have stopped crying I am laying in bed and I wonder how everything started to change. Call me old fashioned (most of my friends already do) but what happened to being in someone’s embrace, looking into each others eyes, getting lost in their smile, feeling like there is no one in the world besides the two of you, while you are dancing. It seems like the feeling of his cock while bumping and grinding is the most important feeling these days. Not to mention whenever a guy wants to “dance” with you, he just slowly creeps up behind you. I mean, can I get a name first before you start rubbing all up on me?  Have people  really lost the respect for themselves? Where did the gestures of asking someone to dance go? I remember even asking someone to dance with me would be such a body rush, I could only imagine getting asked. The-Notebook-Street- My New Years resolution this year was to put myself out there more. While I have dated guys here and there, I always seem to have my big wall up. So Instead of pushing people away, or freak out when things were going good, I would learn to embrace it. Well, I have this been on three dates this month and each time is a total disappointment. Don’t get me wrong they are all really friendly nice guys but some things were missing, others had too much going on. Each date I went on I was just a reminder of why I hold back on dating. I would have gone on 4 dates but one guy wanted me to go to his house to ‘watch a movie”, I may be at ditz at times but I am not that naïve, we ALL know what that means. Am I that big of a prude? Am I too picky? Am I expecting to much? But who goes to someone’s house for a movie on a first date. Yes I want to get to know you, but in steps. While I may complain about dating and relationships being a lot of work, I like mystery and the excitement of working towards getting to know someone. I might be a little emotional right now so it’s okay if you judge me JUST a LITTLE (I’ll probably start crying again).

So it seem like the era of great romance stories have ended, but someone very wise told me that we are the writers to our own story. I guess it’s going to be up to me to keep in search of that great love. I know that I can’t expect it to be some Disney Fairytale, but I know my self-worth and better than to settle. It’s up to me to make people see that it’s the small gestures that really matter and bring romance back alive. Who knows, maybe I’ll find myself my own Noah.

Until Next time your Geek in Chic,

Miguel salut